Recommend a movie

[Vultural]

The Tomb - 2009 - 3/10

Man ... I just knew this was going to blow.
But I saw Wes Bentley, Michael Madsen, Eric Roberts listed on the box. How bad could it be?
Hot Ukranian babe (Sofya Skya wearing get-ups designed to showcase her gravity defying twins) conducts "research" on capturing souls of the recently dead.
Or slain.
Wes Bentley is the unshaven prof / fly who is lured into her parlor.
Blood, absinthe, and spawning round out this bucket fest.
If cut to 45" this would have been fine on the old Friday The 13th television series. Yawn.

[Vultural]

Bay Of Blood - 1971 - 7/10 *

An elderly lady is noosed from her wheelchair and left dangling.
The assassin emerges from shadows and is himself slain.
Next, greedy and murderous heirs begin to migrate to the bay manor.
And blood flows and flows.
This ain’t high art but it is an excellent Giallo by Bava.  (* Rating against other Giallos)
Film is packed with killings and attractive females.
If you anticipate swim sequences and couplings, so did Bava.
Often hard to keep track of who is killing who - I mean that as a plus.

Be sure to check out insightful audio commentary by Bava biographer Tim Lucas

[Vultural]

Lavalantula - 2015 - 4/10

Another gas vent that puts the mindless into entertainment.
This is a blatant riff or rip of the Sharknado franchise, even down to a “Finn" cameo.
Volcanoes erupt in Los Angeles and sheep-sized tarantulas scurry out.
These bugs attack and belch fire.  Roasted human is tastier, one gathers.
Story is of a family trying to  rescue scattered members.
The same template used in every single Sharknado sequel.
Derivative, mindlessly amusing, amateurish special effects - apparently intentional.
Lowest common denominator expectations apply as hipsters make crap for dumb customers.
Mind you, I did go “Whee!” when I found this.
Beware, there is a sequel.

[Vultural]

Black Belt Jones - 1974 - 6/10

Lightweight (white-weight) Blaxploitation film.
Mafia gets winds of a future downtown development (back in the day, the term was Urban Renewal).
Mob buys properties, but one hold out is Pop’s Karate School.
The Feds have been after the mob for some time, and their finest agent, a buffed Jim Kelly, also happens to be the preeminent alumni of the school.  How Kelly fit into his way-cool Jensen is beyond me,
Most of the fight sequences are well done.  Kelly was a martial arts expert.
Too many juvenile scenes for my liking, though, as well as too much comedy.
This is not Black cinema with an edge, but feels aimed at the broader audience.

[Vultural]

À Trois On Y Va - 2015 - 6/10
AKA - All About Them

Ménage à trois of provincial Millenniels.
Successful professional drops in on “friend,” discovering she now has boyfriend.
No biggee.  As soon as the boyfriend leaves momentarily, the girls kiss and grope each other.
Seems they have “old flame” history to which the male is ignorant.
No biggee there, either.  When the boyfriend drives the other woman home, he propositions her.
She doesn’t exactly say no.
For the rest of the movie, the three cheat around on each other and suffer emotionally.
Rather disappointing as this contained all elements for a first rate farce.

[Vultural]

All Good Things - 2010 - 7/10

Blonde, middle class female (Dunst) falls in love with David Marks (Gosling), über rich, heir apparent to Times Square properties.
David is a weak bundle of insecurities. Love goes astray until one night female disappears.
Though never tried, David, by many accounts, was believed responsible.
Based on true events.
For earnest souls who believe in Justice exists in this world - or karma - this is not your film.
Well acted, yet there was an overall coolness, an aura of disengagement, in the narrative.

[Vultural]

The Fat Black Pussycat - 1963 - 4/10

Abysmal film, somehow oddly watchable.
Black-gloved killer prowls Greenwich Village, targeting the Bohemian set.
Beat-niks, poets, dancers, poseurs and loose women.
A very square police detective gets nowhere interviewing the hipper-than-thou denizens.
He ventures into the Fat Black Pussycat Cafe, goes to swinging parties, hooks up with an anthropology professor.
Acting is uniformly dismal.  Lots of pre and post coital situations, though.
Directing is terrible, editing worse.
The second half jumps all over the place with little coherence.
Extras include trimmed sex scenes and alternate ending, likewise incoherent.
Must-see for bad film connoisseurs.

[Vultural]

Ditch Day Massacre - 2016 - 5/10

Dead teenager flick.  Falls squarely into Revenge cinema as opposed to Slasher.
Six high schoolers skip classes to have a day party.
Swimming pool, booze and banging.
Unknown to them (being blind from drinking and squirming) the stranger has slipped inside.

There is a backstory, which I shall not go into.
Suffice to say the theme is of brutal justice, with no regard to bystanders.
Acting is as expected.  Production shows limited budget.
Gore is minimal for the genre.

[Vultural]

The Sniper - 1952 - 6/10

Stray gunman shoots females on lonely San Francisco streets.
He is psychologically damaged, knows he needs help, surrenders to impulses nonetheless.
Reasons are unclear, though he does have a ball-busting female boss (mainly because he is a sorry worker).
Decent Noir, albeit preachy, being a high browed Stanley Kramer production.
Superb use of locations.

If possible, get a version with Eddie Muller’s outstanding commentary.
Muller helms the Film Noir Foundation and is a lifelong San Francisco resident.
He talks at length about actors, locations and the similar (generally snubbed) Without Warning.

[officialneaven]

Yoga Hoser - 2016 - 4,5/10
Two teenage yoga enthusiasts team up with a legendary man-hunter to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening their major party plans.

 

Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Stars: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp

 

[Vultural]

Inquietude - 1998 - 5/10
AKA - Anxiety

Portuguese arthouse film appears crafted to test the stamina of foreign film buffs.
Three sequential tales - extraordinarily slow - of unhappy, over-thinking worriers.
Famous father and son fear they may become forgotten.
Artist is concerned about fate of prostitute (courtesan) he is obsessed with.
Girl fears she cannot marry a boy from another village.
Dialogue is ponderous, fraught with meaning, dense with muddling layers.
Others around me dozed off.
Poster film for people who hate arthouse films.

[Vultural]

Eddie The Eagle - 2016 - 6/10

Feel good biopic of unlikely celebrity of the ‘88 Calgary Winter Olympics.
Eddie Edwards has Olympic dreams, despite being far-sighted, ignored by teammates and country, and having limited funds.
He just wants to compete.  And the Olympics are - supposedly - a celebration of amateur sport.
“Ski jumping,"  he decides.  “Yeah, I can do that!"
Passable entertainment, the equivalent of sponge cake.

[Vultural]

Two Of Us - 2000 - 7/10

In 1976, Paul dropped in on John at the Dakota.
This film "speculated" on what they did and discussed.
The film also omitted two other persons who were there that day, Linda and Yoko.
This felt like a small play, but was enjoyable and well acted. Aiden Quinn had, perhaps, the tougher part playing Paulie. His Paul was well grounded, worldly, and not merely the "cute Beatle." John, holed up in his Dakota fortress, was still troubled by demons, though when we went out, the prankster emerged.
Few tunes, by the way.
Creative fly on the wall concept, well executed.

[Vultural]

Black Tight Killers - 1966 - 7/10
AKA - Ore ni Sawaru to Abunaize / 俺にさわると危ないぜ

Passenger invites stewardess out to dinner.
While dining, she notices a man spying on them from the shadows.
Her date (the airline passenger), a war photographer, chases after the shadowy man.
Only to see him murdered in the alley by three women wearing leather jackets and black tights.
Meanwhile, the stewardess is kidnapped by yakuza.
This is the first five minutes!  The photographer is soon pursued by police, yakuza, American mobsters, and the lethal lovelies, the black tight killers.
The story - with a half dozen plots - explodes at breakneck speed.
Groovy music, wildly inventive camera work, and fountains of colour.

One scene:  Our hero, an often thickheaded sort, get rescued frequently.
A sportscar driving hottie bails him out then asks if she can spend the night,
“Because I spent all day playing golf and it’s too late to face my parents.”
Yes, he buys that excuse..
Once at his place, in bed, she’s cold.  “Could you bring a blanket?  And yourself?”
Naturally he takes advantage of the situation only to begin screaming in pain.
“Ninja trick,”  she purrs,  “octopus pot.  Now talk.”
“You’re one of them!  Oww!!  You’re one of the black tight killers!”
“Talk.  Or I tighten the octopus pot ... like this.  Tighten more and you die.”
Of course he talks.  He shouts.
Just one of dozens of wild scenes in crazed spoof of action movies.

[Vultural]

High-Rise - 2015 - 5/10

After equipment malfunctions and breakdowns, residents of an exclusive apartment tower break into class tribalism.
From the onset, there seem to be glitches and warning signs, yet tenants flood in.
Based on a J G Ballard novel, the setting is symbolic of Thatcher Britain or Reagan America.
Everyone out for themselves.
With few exceptions, characters are cold, bored, self-absorbed, or disengaged.
The more affluent or status-worthy reside in upper floors, lower orders near street level.
This is a major flaw.  In all exclusive communities, low rents are not tolerated.
The descent into dystopia is abrupt.  When violence mounts, no one phones police, no one flees.
Heavy handed allegory with paper thin characters.

[Vultural]

Haute Tension - 2003 - 5/10
AKA - High Tension

Slasher film of two females who visit one of their parents in remote farmland France.
Access is through dirt road and seemingly endless cornfield.
They arrive late at night, say hello, then everyone goes to sleep.
No one hears the rusted work van arrive, nor hear the heavyset man approach the house.
The intruder’s motivations are vague, though a reason teases out midway.
Film suffers structural problems as it is carnage heavy in the beginning, then plods for forty minutes.
There is an unexpected and terrific “turn” near the end.
Unfortunately, I started applying logic at that point and the whole film collapsed for me.

[Vultural]

Kisses - 2008 - 7/10

Dylan and Kylie live in dysfunctional households. One endures physical violence, the other abuse of another sort.
One afternoon, they flee and hop a ferry to Dublin. (Yes, a road movie of sorts.)
Fun under the lights, contrasts with predators in shadows.
Dublin proves too hard. No surprise since the characters are aged 10 and 11.
Another, more iconic Dylan appears in a white hat and offers advice.
A small gem.
Those with sensitive ears - there is foul language galore.

 

[Vultural]

Ingrid Bergman: In Her Own Words - 2015 - 7/10

Less a documentary about the movie career, but more a behind the doors personal look.
For a Bergman fan, there is wonderful material here.  Old photos, home movies taken by her father, as well as Ingrid herself who was quite the home movie buff.  A trove of correspondence with lifelong Swedish friends.  Recollections from her four children.
What emerges, however, is the story of a loner and perhaps a lonely soul.
Bergman moves from Sweden to Hollywood to Italy to England.  In two moves, she leaves her children behind.
Always, though, she takes her bulging collection of photos, letters and home movies.
One wonders if, for the woman orphaned early, those physical memories were more important than anything else.

[Vultural]

Is Amanda Knox Guilty? - 2014 - 5/10

And do we care  anymore?  Not so much.
Documentary started fine, then began to stumble often.
It meandered around, much like the Italian prosecutors, and lacked focus.
Blood - blood is the trail.  Evidence - pinpoint the evidence.
As with the OJ Simpson trial, the murdered victim was an afterthought.
The suspects - the circus whooped and hollered around the suspects.
One is left with the sour taste that Miss Knox knows “something,” did “something,” may even be culpable.
The documentary, however, is shallow and never penetrates.

[Vultural]

Manhattan Night - 2016 - 4/10

Investigative journalist meets mysterious blonde at party of new newspaper owner.
Journalist and wife (a doctor) live in secret hideaway home in middle of Gotham.
Nevertheless, a blonde is still a blonde and the journalist has zero instinct for trouble.
Soon enough he is snared in murder, blackmail, beatings, shootings.
Not a cop in sight.
Cliché piles upon cliché.
Thriller relies on stereotypes, leaps into absurdity.
Hard to tell what is worse, stupefying cliches or situations and twists that turn preposterous.
Pity such a fine cast of actors are trapped in a script less organized than a sonata of hamster farts.