Recommend a movie

[Vultural]

Conan The Barbarian - 2011/2013 - 6/10
AKA - Savage Sword of Conan: Mask of Archeron

Say what?  Which Conan?  That 2011 dud?
Nice overhaul of the Jason Momoa reboot, courtesy FanEdit.
For a supposedly lite edit, the film has been trimmed a hefty 25% of the running time, the original score replaced with the Poledouris score, and the film recoloured.

Still, axe 25% of the narrative, can the plot still make cohesive sense?  Well - yes.  C’mon, you ever read any of the Robert E Howard original tales?  They pound like a racing cheetah.  So does this edit and is completely for the better for it.  Plot is sheer pulp, with few lulls.
Plus, being briefer, I could have loaded up another barbarian quickie.
Ooh, Hundra,  maybe.

[Vultural]

The Reef - 2010 - 5/10

Watery adventure off Australia!
Handful of friends sail out for a couple days swimming and snorkeling.
Without giving too much away, boat strikes reef and capsizes.
Most then decide to swim toward unseen, yet hoped for, land, eleven miles away.
After several hours one asks,  "Hey, what's that fin poking through the waves?"
What?  Not the shark!  Sure hope he doesn't like tasty humans.
Supposedly based on a true story, yet within ten minutes I predicted who would get eaten, in what order, and who survived.
Had its moments, offset by boring paddling. Worse, I kept rooting for Marc The Shark.

[Vultural]

Jupiter Ascending - 2014 - 2/10

After-hours at the zoo, there will be a shift switch.
Lions and chimps stroll concrete pathways, twirling cage keys, cigarettes dangling from lips.
Inside cages will be humans.  On one cage will be a sign reading NON COMPOS MENTIS.
The grinning lunatic within will likely be watching Jupiter Ascending.
Despite atrocious reviews, I told myself it couldn’t be that bad.
Even so, I could go stupid.  Apparently not stupid enough.
OK - one day our heroine is scrubbing toilets for a living.  Then she finds out she is galactic royalty.
She actually owns planet earth!
Yay!  No more taxes, no more waiting in line at the taco drive through, no more living with white trash relatives who want to sell her eggs for drug money.
Does she go that route?  Aaaacccckkkk !!
She gets a teenage crush on wolf guy who flies about on magic shoes, she gullibly believes all sorts of lies from supposed relatives who do nothing all day - as they have for thousands of years.  TV?  Dining?  Bathroom?  Nope, they just sit around.
Expect lots of overwhelming CGI that adds nothing.  Expect endless, overlong fights that are actually quite petty (wolf guy in combat with squads here and there).  Expect a script geared for autistic cockroaches.  Expect to see name actors sleepwalking their way through this vat of hogfat.
Further evidence of the sad creative decline of the Wachowski siblings.
Jupiter Ascending ain’t Fifith Element, let alone Interstellar or Gravity.
This makes Matrix Revolutions, the Zion crap, appear intelligent.
Yes - I watched it.  Idiot.
Hopefully the inevitable porn spoof (Jupiter Ass-Ending) will prove superior.

[Vultural]

Asphalt - 1929 - 6/10

German silent film melodrama about a wayward B-girl and earnest policeman.
The girl is caught at a jewelers, hiding merchandise.
The arresting cop hauls her off to headquarters, where she convinces him to take her home so she can get her papers.
In her rooms, no papers are forthcoming.  Instead, she opens wide and pulls him into the scented petals.
Melodramatic plot, great exterior photography of Weimar Berlin.
The real star - or distraction - is Betty Amann.
Like the better known Louise Brooks, she was another American cast for her striking looks.
Unlike Brooks, however, Amann is by turns exotic, hard, and flat out kooky looking.
Her hairstyle features a big curlicue plastered across her forehead, which makes her look cross-eyed.
The story is one of weakness and redemption.  There is a moral center to this, in contrast to Pabst’s bleak films.

[Vultural]

Die Wannseekonferenz -1984 - 8/10

German documentary based on official transcripts of the 1942 meeting of high ranking Reich officials in the Berlin suburb of Wannsee.
Main topic was the establishment of concentration camps in the east, followed by deportation and extermination of European Jews.
Chaired by Reinhard Heydrich, the main purpose was to get everyone committed to the Final Solution.  All would bear responsibility, all would bear liability.
Low key performances offset by chilling dialogue.
Must see film, since we constantly forget the past.  Easily found on YouTube.

[Vultural]

Amateur - 1994 - 6/10

Strange, almost surreal mystery with Isabel Huppert as ex-convent nun now making a living writing pornography.
Oh yes, she is also a self proclaimed nymphomaniac and a virgin.
Who does she tell all this to?
A guy with amnesia whose wife (an infamous porn actress) possibly tried to kill him.

Forgetting anything?  Mmm, two hitmen.  Cop who over-empathizes.
In other hands Amateur could have been a fun, even funny, film.
It did hold my interest throughout, as I wondered what the next turn would be.
Offbeat to be sure, entertaining if you are in the proper mood, but forgettable.

[Vultural]

London To Brighton - 2006 - 6/10

British nasty about prostitution.
Aging crime lord calls bottom rung pimp and orders a girl for the night.
Young - 12 years old.
Pimp's jill finds runaway and they coerce her into the lair.
Next minute, the females are fleeing for their bloody lives, pimp and gangsters in furious pursuit.
Unpleasant film, nicely done.  Dirty alleys, dark woods, cramped flats, ain't no sunshine in this one, baby.

[Vultural]

Intouchables - 2011 - 6/10

French quadriplegic hires unknown streetwise tough as caregiver.
Many have raved about this one, because it is a feel good story.
Not as saccharine or cloying as most of these films are.  Also, no big angst ridden drama moment.
Disparate personalities meeting, sharing perspectives.
Your hunch about what this film is, is likely correct.
I enjoyed this, but even though it was based on a true story, there was nothing fresh.

[Vultural]

Angel Dust - 1994 - 5/10

Japanese thriller about a serial killer who strikes on crowded subways the first Monday every month.
He targets young women, using a hypodermic to inject poison into them.
Nice ratings, notwithstanding, this proved a frustrating mystery.
The female police analyst / profiler is a rather weak soul who has unresolved feelings for an old flame, a psychiatrist who now deprograms “cult victims.”
Director Ishii seems to have been profoundly influenced by David Lynch (Twin Peaks aired a couple years earlier).
A cave, and murder within, recur frequently.  
Revelations and subsequent mysteries pop up from time to time.  None have any bearing on the murder.
It was like the writing room said,  “Oh, here’s a weird idea!” and tossed it into the plot.  Repeat.  Repeat.
Half the room fell asleep during this one.
I stayed awake - wish I hadn’t.

[Vultural]

Laggies - 2014 - 6/10

Hmmm, two films in a row from Kiera Knightley that I actually enjoyed.
She relies less and less on her squints, pouts, head shakes, her bag of “cute” crutches.
Acting, instead of coasting.

Ten years after prom night, college degree in hand, Megan is back in her parents’ home, waving a cardboard sign outside dad’s accounting agency.
Her friends, meanwhile, are gliding into adulthood - getting married, making babies.
By chance, she starts hanging with high school seniors, seeing mistakes they are making, by extension mistakes she has made.
One of the girls has a divorced father.
Lightweight romance is a bit predictable, but Knightley underplays her role and dumps the glamour thing,
Good date flick.

[Vultural]

Bitter Feast - 2010 - 6/10

After a harsh review from, get this, a blog, chef Peter Grey loses his own restaurant, and gets canned from his own TV show. Does he dust himself off, start anew? Nooo! He kidnaps that nasty blogger critic and exacts vengeance.
If you’re so good at criticizing, let’s see if your own efforts match your standards.
Wicked horror tale of retribution against souls who cannot create, who eek a living as professional complainers.
Dark film that grows progressively darker. Early sequence of adolescent violence might upset the squeamish.
Bon appétit.

[Vultural]

Duke Of Burgundy - 2014 - 6/10

Warning! - Arthouse alert!
Maid bicycles up to the manor door.  Waits.  And waits.
The mistress of the estate finally opens the door with,  “You’re late.”
Domination and servitude ensue, climaxing with passionate erotic grappling.
The tone is understated, muted, restrained.  The colour palette is dark.  There are no males.
A group of females attend classes, hairstyles in tight buns, save for the mannequins in chairs.
Film is fraught with symbolism and “meaning” but it is heavy handed and lethargic.
Well crafted study of roles and power games, yet the resolution ebbed away and I ended up scratching my head, already forgetting threads and characters.

[Vultural]

I Am - 2012 - 5/10

Master director Tom Shadyac (Ace Ventura, Bruce Almighty, Patch Adams, Evan Almighty) had a bicycle accident, suffered chronic pain.  As he healed, he started thinking, wondering what was wrong with us - mankind - as a species.
I Am is his feel good, naval gazing documentary.  A variety of modern philosophers and leaders contribute their thoughts.
The usual:  Materialism leads nowhere.  Cooperation is salvation, not competition.  Love is all you need.
Bubble thinking.
All well and good when everyone shares limited hopes, the sheerest of dreams.
Neither Shadyac nor his pundits address the millions of impoverished souls who might want a better home, more water, nutritious diet.  Not one mentioned spiraling population growth as a root factor, along with the degradation of resources.
Virtually everyone interviewed did so from a nicely air-conditioned or heated dwelling.  All were well fed, well dressed, well educated.
I Am currently enjoys high marks on review sites.  I suspect they believe we are capable of great ness.

[Vultural]

Foxcatcher - 2014 - 6/10

Another upbeat winner.
Based on the true life murder committed by wealthy DuPont scion.
Whereas most of his family is involved with horses, he is passionate about wrestling.
Not professional, but Olympic.
He ingratiates himself with gold medal brothers with his estate and wealth, and envisions himself as coach premier.
His training methods are non-existent, his obligation schedule heavy, and his need to control massive.
Any perceived slights or disloyalty yield consequences.
A moody film, shot on dreary outdoor days or inside washed out rooms, displaying lives.
Superb acting all around, moody score.

[Vultural]

The Trials Of Henry Kissinger - 2002 - 7/10

Documentary about the political insider / gunslinger / minister without portfolio.
Follows the popular book that argued that the great HK ought to have been tried for war crimes based on his activities (or lack of) and maneuverings during Vietnam negotiations.
Film outraged half the audience, others were more cynical, stating that shady deeds and brinksmanship have been hand in glove with leaders since before Caesar.
Caveat emptor.

[Vultural]

Abwege - 1928 - 7/10
AKA - The Devious Path

German silent, directed by Pabst.
Very much a precursor to Pandora’s Box and Diary Of A Lost Girl, this also explores moral shortcomings and the lifeless underbelly of the decadent Weimar.
Wife (Brigitte Helm), married to strait-laced fuss-bucket banker, deserts him one night to party with “more liberated” friends in hedonistic club.
Banker sits at home, window wide open, letting in blasts of freezing air, thinking of divorce options.
The club sequence, meanwhile, is a showstopper, and goes on for perhaps twenty minutes.

Pabst revels in the excitement, the loose morality, the sheer boredom, the drunken excesses, the hazy confusion.
Far better than most films I’ve watched, this gives a real feel to the jittery edge of Berlin before the street riots between Communists and Nazis.
Ending displayed the censor’s hand, unlike the bleak pit of Pabst’s next two films.

[Vultural]

We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks - 2013 - 7/10

Ignore the low ratings on IMDB, that is blatant skewing by Wikileaks fanatics.
Detailed documentary of Wiki founder Julian Assange, and his greatest source, Bradley Manning.
Never boring for a minute, follows Wiki's comet rise to dissolution.
Filled in gaps and explained some aspects for me, but I was still left wondering what story hewed closer to the truth.
Beginning to feel dated now.

[Vultural]

Happy Ever Afters - 2009 - 5/10

Forced Irish comedy of two wedding receptions colliding at one venue.
Each couple suffers reasons for marriage.  Groom A and Bride B meet cute and gallop down predictable lane.
Nice enough romantic comedy if nothing better is on.
Otherwise, tired formula with caricatures.

[Vultural]

Big Lebowski - 1998 - 8/10

After being disappointed by the recent Inherent Vice, I dug this perennial from the shelves.
Mister Lebowski, AKA “The Dude” returns home from shopping the friendly Ralph’s aisles.
He is assaulted, face plunged into the toilet, while one of the vandals pisses on his carpet.
Later, at the bowling alley, The Dude laments to friends, and, egged on, begins to investigate the mystery.
Hilarious, shaggy dog tale.  Cult classic for stoners, bowlers, mystery fans, damn near everyone save souls who hate Southern California, which this film reeks of.
Most people I know either have personal acquaintance with a classic slacker such as The Dude, or they have been him at one point or another.
Bridges unforgettable as The Dude, yet everyone involved is in top form.

[Vultural]

Let’s Spend The Night Together - 2010 - 5/10

Documentary about the ladies who put the sex in Sex - Drugs - Rock n Roll.
The groupies.
Whitebread, feel-good pic showcasing American squad notables.
Pamela Des Barres, Sweet Sweet Connie, Cassandra Peterson (Mistress Elvira), Tura Satana (huh?) ...
Some are pathetic, confessing the current crop of rockers they are bangin’ are younger than their grandsons.  Makes you wonder what those gents were thinking.
Most are completely delusional, arguing the case they were artistic muse rather than joy holes.
Also events were way back when, before AIDS, before the Lennon murder and subsequent beefed up security and bodyguards.
Female topless photos were digitally blurred, while infamous Plaster Casters totems were displayed in full glory.
Mildly fun, though shallow and glossy.