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Need Subtitles (Transcript)


vlv
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Hello everybody!
I have a BIG request. Since I'm a big fan of House M.D. I decided to translate 3 nice movies I found on YouTube. The problem is that I'm not English native speaker and I don't understand everything. I looked everywhere but I couldn't find any subtitles so I thought maybe someone here would help me.

Here are links to these movies:

1. House M.D Mad Tv



2. Craig Ferguson interview with Hugh Laurie






I know It's hard job, you don't have to do sync, just write down what they say.
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Thank you I really appreciate your efforts and help. Thank you once again.

If Anyone could help with the rest I would be grateful.


Here's my first stab. It'll require some clean up...

Welcome back everybody welcome back, welcome back to behind the scenes of 1970 special effects ahh ahh where we blow the lid off stuff you already knew my first guest tonight stars on the hit show House which is monday nights on Fox








but it's actually good No, It's good, it's good, take a look at this It's all about her whatever hapless salesman wanders into her sights she's going to lie, steal and trade your testestes to get whatever she wants hold on I just have to do something before he dials the second one. You are going to end up humiliated, holding her purse, going home to sleep on a new mattress you hate. What the hell are you doing? He needs an MRI.








Hugh Laurie, everyone

Hugh, Hugh, Hugh, welcome, how lovely to see you. TV's Craig Furgison TV's Craig Furgison, none of your rubbish No No, not radio's Craig Furgison anymore I've just seen down there that I'm sitting about a foot lower than you are Yes, that's the way we do it here







So where do we start? So... How are things, er, going over at the house, house ya know, house show. The house show, yeah... Yeah Yah having a nice time with the folks there then?






I know The tales I could tell Yeah... Me too! The tooth sealed up nicely though... Yeah! You want to see it? That looks.... I've had implants, i'm getting them... You ever had an implant in your mouth? Yeah.... You've been in LA some time I believe the pilots called “target confusion” I had so many possible jokes, I just didn't know which one to go for. Yeah.. that's right, yeah. Um... uh.... No... How uncomfortable are you? Actually? Actually I'm fine.... do you want me back... to go back to the status quo? No! No, No I don't actually. Well actually, if you can... Yeah, ok, alright... Right, I um... I um, I um, Oh now sit up straight. Sit up straight. Actually I'm fine.. You.... You... Let me ask you a question... If it makes you feel more powerful Craig that's fine... I don't do this, I don't do this... Yes, Actually this is the way its setup Yes, of course a man comes in and sets it that way Ok alright, alright, look... I, I was going to ask you about how comfortable you were with all the success.. must be drivin you crazy. You hate success. Yes, I'm a good old presbyterian boy I'm suspicious of success and you know world, uh, pleasures I, are you having any worldly pleasures? I don't actually, as a matter of fact... as a matter of fact I send them back. Ya know you get free stuff actually, if you're on TV apparently? Is that right? Yeah, did you get that tie? Did you pay for it, or did they give it to you? I'm sitting over here. We can have a tie off No this is free, look at it Is that a free tie? Actually I never thought that there was a, a tie slightly more effite? than this one, but there you are... but so confident am I... yes? In my sexuality that I thought are you? I could carry it off... Well I bet all the sex symbol thing must drive you, that must be driving you nuts? The sex symbol? Yes, with the “TV's House he's TV's Sexiest Doctor” “He's the House we'd like in our underpants” All that stuff... right? I'm not making it up You are a little bit I'm not, it's all over the media... I believe, I believe I was voted TV's sexy curmudeon.. On a list of two... um... Who was the other curmudeon? I don't know who the other one was.. Andy Rooney And that's a lot of sex packed into one small little But it was very close, we were neck and neck, but I did just squeeze that one Now you're avoiding the question rather expertly in a prebysbertian way... But does it make you rather uncomfortable, people thinking that you're very sexy? Um, Yeah, I can see that it does.. Yeah a little bit Finally! It's a bit ridicilous, it's ridicilous, it's a ubsurd. Well it's a sexy character, because he's sorta wounded, well first of all he heals people That's sexy yeah He's sorta of wounded, damaged creature that needs to be mended, and I think perhaps... Women like that! Apparently... women do like that. I gather that... But what they do, they like the.... women, I'll give you my experience, my advice on women, don't you worry. I, I've been divorced twice, I know what i'm talking about, so. I think women, what they see as, see a guy that's all in trouble and they think well, I can fix him, I can fix him up. It's kinda like Extreme Home Makeover, but a guy. It's a guy, yeah, yeah. You're not like that. You're perfectly confident and happy in life, no doubt. I should, think. I'm not damaged at all... no. I'm not.. No, I just pretend to be damaged in order to see if I can make that work, it doens't actually work. It's alright.. You've got, You've got the family over now? Have they moved over. Um... they are spending more time here, yes. I'm still... so... uncertain... The show is a hit You say that It's a hit show for gods sakes, you're going to have to accept.... But I, I, I'm still very, um, suspicious of success and I still thinking any day now it could all go horribly wrong and we'll be back on a plane back to Blightly???? Yeah well. You've already... You must have made a ton of money by now. You can go home and buy the damn place. I'm mean that folks, they pay money. If they aren't paying you, they are pulling some immigrant crap, because if they aren't paying you... that shows a success... I'm very handsomely rewarded.. well except for that tie... I have as many ties as I can eat, uh, I'm very very well paid, and it's ridicilous. Are you able to drive your motorcycle around? I certainly am, yes. I've stopped I'm awaiting your call well, I've stopped riding the motorcycle around... why's that? Because I discovered airplanes, unbelievable, have you ever flown one of the little airplanes I've flown on an airplane. Oh, no no, not a big one where you sit down and they come up to you “warm nuts sir” not yours mind you... Right... Yours just happen to be first class. No the uh, the uh... Whatever! I just Meet the bellcap??? I'm so redundant You mean driving an airplane yourself Little tiny airplane on my own, I love it, it's like a motorbike that goes in the sky. Yes, no, right, I have been on I mean I have taken the controls of a jet fighter, how about that? What? An RAF Tornado. I went up and they had a sort of, certain kind which are trainers and they have, they can take up two people. Usually it's just one and I vomited for about 45 minutes? Um.. Is that part of the training? Well, apparently pilots do do it. Uh, they they vomit a lot themselves, it's pretty violent, um and it, but after the third vomiting, the pilot, er his voice came over the intercom and said “If your going to do that again, do you mind switching off your microphone?” he had to, he had to...

























































































































It's not something you want to hear, but they do say, they warn you that if you don't get it in the bag... They give you a lot of bags, but if you don't get it in the bag they will make you... you have to clear it up. And it's not like clearing it up off this desk... Which i've done often enough, I'll tell you... It's like, it would be like clearing it up off the back of a television... Oh, yes, all the wires You'd be there with like a toothbrush for a while Oh, that'd be aweful, bits of diced carrot in there... Yeah exactly I haven't eaten carrot for months... And yet, there it is... It's always there.. I'd, I'd rather, I don't get vomitty, I get a bit farty sometimes. But other than that... There small cabins... yeah little cabins, But you can open the window Can you? Yes, Yeah! If you're flying slowly enough Well I needed to know that In case, You're still riding the the british bike? Yes, I'm still riding the triumph. It's sorta my attempt at flying the flag. Ya know. I think you do it's a wonderful motorcycle You had an indian didn't you? I still have the indian and it's an american bike It's alright, yeah, yeah, It's american not 'British' so you know.... Obviously, well but... with in it's own terms. It's acceptable. As long as you want to go in a straight line and not turn it's a perfectly acceptable bike. The minute you want to go like that, carving it up the canyons, then it Get off an push it Yeah, yeah you can do that. But I remember seeing you at the Emmy rehersals, cause they rehearse the Emmy's 'Oh Yeah'... Um. I saw you at the Emmy rehearsals and you had turned up on your motorbike to the Emmy rehearsal. Yes, you say that You remember? You say that as if it's nutty? Well, because it's like you really do ride the bike. It's not just a kind of celebrity “And on access hollywood next, Hugh Laurie really rides a bike” you really do ride it Come rain or shine Yeah Although you don't really get much rain here so it's not really much of a test of character in california, but in london everythings set in snow.





































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